Flavor of the Week: Yoga Pants

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If any given Buzzfeed writer were to GIF a recipe for the ultimate hashtag-basic bitch, the most voluminous ingredient would be yoga pants. After all, they are what literally holds the basic bitch together. They suck all the junk into your trunk. Can I get an ‘amen,’ sista friends?

In order to understand yoga pants, we must track their evolution, discuss their function, and contemplate their implication.

Evolution of the yoga pant
It all started with this:

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And then that turned into this:

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But for me, it was really only the first generation (tye-dye) and this:

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…because my mom thought it was inappropriate to walk around with pants that said “So Low” on the butt.

Then out of the blue, leggings became a thing as if a girl wearing So Lows pulled them right out of her tightly covered and accentuated ass. So leggings happened for a while, and now, there’s something else. There’s Lululemon leggings, which are really the new yoga pants. They’re still referred to in the media as ‘yoga pants,’ which is a ripoff because I spent my childhood convinced that yoga pants had to be bell-bottomed.

Function of the yoga pant
I used to have this thing where I didn’t wear jeans. While I was down to wear my flared Hard Tails ’til the cows came home, I was not down to wear the flared denim my mother bought for me because it “better suited my figure.” Okay, we get it. I had a Kim Kardashian, which is great if you’re 26 but not is you’re 10.

Destitute of the skinny jean, I resorted to leggings. They looked absolutely terrible on me, and weren’t flattering in the least, but they were comfortable and didn’t leave indents in the skin below my belly button and around my hips. They were much better suited to sit criss-cross-applesauce in. These are the important things.

It used to be that the yoga pant was about comfort. Let’s be real — it was never really about yoga. But now, it is about style.

The implication of the yoga pant, perhaps the most important part
You see, the yoga pants we wear now aren’t really yoga pants. They’re magic pants.

Of course, assuming that everyone’s Lululemon leggings are the standard yoga pant is astoundingly ignorant. Lululemon is an expensive luxury brand. In fact, I only own three things from Lululemon, and all of them have been purchased with my own babysitting money. And they were all ridiculously overpriced, too. But that’s besides the point. The point is that people are buying pants meant for exercise and wearing them not for exercise. I’m not quite referring to wearing your Nike Free’s out and about — that’s another discussion of trend for another day. I’m solely talking about exchanging your jeans for exercise leggings because, as it turns out, the leggings kinda look good.

This can be attributed to two factors: material and style. The material of the pants undoubtedly sucks you in. They don’t stretch out like your cotton leggings might, and they’re extra tight because they’re meant to feel like skin while you’re jogging, walking your dog, or doing your daily workout of 15 crunches. You know, something like that. But the style –the style is what’s revolutionary. Exercise pants have a higher waist than every other kind of legwear does. Yet they aren’t ‘high-waisted,’ or marketed as anything other than ‘exercise pants.’ They consistently come at a perfect height and sit 2/3 of the way between where low-rise pants go and where your belly button is. This is the perfect place to be sucked in!!! Raise your hand if you’ve been wondering why every pair of pants doesn’t come with that waist height. Also raise your hand if you now understand why your mother was always so insistent on buying you the ‘hipsters’ style of underwear as a child. Just me? Okay then.

Yoga pants, which are really exercise leggings, are perfect to wear with a crop top, they are perfect with boots, they are perfect with everything, they are great for sitting criss-cross-applesauce, and they somehow make you look like you ARE wearing pants even though you kind of aren’t.

Perhaps yoga pants are making basic cool. Yoga pants could be putting the basic back in basic: forming an essential foundation or starting point; fundamental. Yeah… yeah. Now that sounds more like it. Screw the Starbucks cups and 2004 Uggs. Basic ain’t always so bad after all.

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