Flavor of the Week: Undergarments

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All right, boys, let’s keep it in our pants. If I’m being honest, your fellow FYD-reader is likely wearing one of the two gates to womanhood. Even I’ll admit that as I write in my pajamas, I’m emphasizing the ‘nothing’ in ‘double or nothing.’

You’d assume there’s a direct relationship between a female’s age and her need for proper undergarments. In other words, the older she gets, the more she needs to make sure her boobs are in place and her hoo-hah isn’t hanging out the bottom of her dress.

But if you’re a young lady #blessed with boobs that are pretty much in place, and you don’t feel like wasting your last clean Hanky Panky under a pair of skinny print jeans, why do we need to wear undergarments?

In fifth grade, my mom sat me down and thoroughly explained the concept of body hair. “I know you don’t want it,” she comforted my overeagerness to run for the hills with a razor, “but it’s there for a reason. It’s there to protect you!”

Like body hair, it would make sense that your undergarments are there to protect you, too. However, I usually wear clothes that cover my parts, and I’m hoping you do too, so as quickly as that theory came one sunny fifth grade afternoon (before a pool party, if you must know), it went down the drain.

Last week, I wore a black, A-line dress that zippered down the center of its front – from neck to skirt. That day, I saw a friend, who toyed with the zipper at my collar. Upon realizing the zipper was not just for show, and was, in fact, a real, zippable zipper, his jaw dropped. “Are you kidding me?” he asked. “What if someone unzips you and you aren’t wearing a bra?”

I wasn’t offended by his question – the ease with which I could find my dress as a vest was, of course, somewhat discomforting. But my initial reaction was a quick retort. “Well, no one would actually do that.”

But what if someone did? Then would it be a more inappropriate action because wasn’t wearing a bra? Wouldn’t they be to blame for unzipping me in the first place? Should I wear a bra every day with the assumption that while dropping off dry cleaning or going out to lunch, a Boob Villain will come along and rip off my clothes?

Someone taking off my dress would – or should – be equally as inappropriate regardless of what I choose to wear (or not wear) underneath it.

Suddenly, my ‘no bra, no problem’ mantra meant a lot more than I thought it did. In addition to keeping the bad stuff out, undergarments make what others do to our bodies more ok, or less bad, even if the action is the same.

Recall the first time you went to second base. Imagine how different your experience would have been if you found your partner braless and bare-boobed for the grabbing.

Now, take a step back. If you didn’t feel her up in the first place, what difference would her desire to be young, wild, and free make?

If we’re being real, it’s become a ‘thing’ to not wear a bra. All of a sudden, it seems there is no connection made like one between girls who realize they both are braless.

With that, here’s a closure for your listening pleasure (Wiz & Snoop understand the ladies):

 

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