On Constant Conversation


“Do you guys talk, like, all the time?”

It’s a question I’ve asked and been asked. And regardless of if I’m the asker or the receiver, it’s completely nonchalant, socially acceptable, and, dare I go so far to say, a trusting determinant of how legitimate a relationship is.

Any 16-year-old will tell you that she got together with her boyfriend after they “texted” for a while. Courtship is no longer the spoken word, but instead, the written one. How many Beliebers can you sway with your sly emojis?

If you’re lucky enough to see your sparks light romance aflame, there’s a good chance the texting will never stop. It’s practically a civil liberty to assume that your friend who is texting and who has a boyfriend is texting…her boyfriend. The same goes for boys. If he finds his iPhone screen more appealing than the Stanley Cup, then…you already know.

It’s like a biblical commandment. People in relationships communicate all the time, in every medium.

If you’re on Facebook, and you see the little green dot next to your boyfriend’s minimized chat, and you aren’t messaging each other, is he really your boyfriend?

Taking it a step further – if your boyfriend’s chat isn’t minimized, even when you aren’t speaking, is he really really your boyfriend?

However, there are exceptions to every rule. Here, it comes about in the days where your find your vibrating phone idle, your inbox empty, and a gaping hole in your heart. After letting the first few hours of unprecedented silence roll by (or for some, the first few minutes), we resort to the worst. Your mood turns bitter and sullen. And, just like that, you’ve created a fight in your head over nothing.

The next time you do text talk, you type speak with attitude. Because you’re mad at each other. You’re heating over nothing. Right? I mean, no text = nothing.

In a rerun of Keeping Up with the Kardashians I watched last night, Scott sends Kourtney’s call to voicemail during a celebrity appearance at Chateau in Vegas. On cue, Kourtney freaks along the lines of, “He could at least send me a text telling me he can’t hear me, or something.”

There’s a footnote in the job description for ‘Boyfriend’ that everyone seems to miss. If you can’t talk, or if you don’t want to talk, then you have to talk in order to get what you want. Otherwise, you’re being a dick.

Look, I’m on Team Kourtney. “You can’t just ignore me” and “If you don’t want to talk, just tell me you don’t want to talk” are too regularly used in my vocabulary. But, in reality, that’s ridiculously unfair.

Consider this: if your best friend can leave your lonely text to shrivel up and die while she’s got her hands full during a busy day, can your significant other?

In an eighth grade Philosophy class, I learned that often, things are not opposites of one another, but are just a lack. For example, darkness is not the opposite of light, but darkness is the absence of light. Constant conversation, while making our lives feel fuller – our love lives more omnipresent – also creates a void; an ever-expanding black hole in which your boyfriend is like AIM: he needs an away message, all of the time.

“BRB, CTRN, ur bein a psycho b****… txt l8r”