Flavor of the Week: Prom (It’s Good Advice, Trust Me)


Tis the season, ain’t it?

Prom is like Valentine’s Day: girls will either look forward to it more than they will their own weddings, or they’ll give less than two shits about it. No matter how special prom is for some, there will always be those that feel like the lone soldier in 90s teen movies, wearing denim on denim and fighting against the patriarchy that is high school.

Reeeeeegardless, the time of year is upon us. I was one of the girls that had been obsessed with prom since evacuation from the womb. It’s a collection of all of my favorite things: girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes and dancing all night ’til my blood sugar crashes. That was my poor attempt at referencing The Sound of Music, but you get the picture: prom, to me, seemed like a million-in-one package.

I did the prom thing twice. My junior year of high school, I went with my then-boyfriend of three years. It was really, really nice. The second time I went was my senior year. I was thinner, and, this time, all of my best friends would be there with me. I planned the night–picked out flowers and votives, lighting and entreés, so my OCD was completely in check.

My prom experiences could not be more different from one another, but I love them both because of it. I felt it all; I did all the things. This is the cream of the crop, the diamond in the rough of prama (prama = prom + drama). Don’t lose your marbles yet, ladies.

Here’s some advice. Take it, please.

1. Make sure you love your dress. But you don’t need to love it, either. I use the term “love” lightly: you don’t need to marry it, but you do need to feel good in it. Like your first real boyfriend! It should be tight in the right places, loose others. It should be something you can dance in. It shouldn’t be too short. If you like to dress like a slut, then totally run with that. But at prom, there are limits. Make it “slutty meets Betty White.”

2. You don’t have to love your date. Yes, you will always remember who you took, or who took you, to prom. You can laugh about it, though. It can be a funny thing in fifty years, like “Haha #tbt prom!” No sad emojis here. Just because your dream guy is taking someone else does not mean that your prom is wickedly cursed.

3. On that note, the only person who can ruin your prom is you. (Trust me.)

4. Don’t get too drunk. Really, I don’t think you should get drunk at all. Ask yourself this: do you need to be drunk? No. Are you going to be surrounded by illegal substances for the next three days? Yes. I think we’re clear on that one.

5. Pay all of your expenses on time. Your friend is working really hard to find the tackiest party bus company possible. Respect that.

6. Take lots and lots and lots of pictures. But…

7. Leave your phone in your bag, put your bag on your chair, and C YA! Don’t be that girl: do not mupload during prom, do not Instagram on the way to prom. It will scare your mother that you have time for social media but none to answer her text.

8. Eat a good lunch the day of. If you’re going to cleanse, do it the week before. You aren’t going to consume much of anything at prom aside from the teeny weiners passed around at le hour de cocktail. Hopefully, you’ll be dancing too much to want to sit for dinner. But you’re gonna need energy, so eat! I promise, your dress will still fit after a salad with some grilled chicken at 12pm. If you’re so crazy worried that it won’t, see piece of advice numero uno.

9. If prama erupts, stay out of it. Stay as far away from it as you possibly can. (~~Good vibes, people. Good vibes.~~)

10. Be smart. It’s a night that holds a high standard for everybody, whether you realize it or not. The build up to prom is pramatic, so the downward spiral will be belligerently deranged. Do yourself a favor, then: avoid the downward spiral. Everyone has high expectations for what the night holds. If you’re like me, it’s something you’ve been waiting for since kindergarten. Prom is a celebration of you, your friends, and what you’ve done together. So go with the flow, but not too much with the flow. Do something crazy, but nothing that puts vomit in your hair three hours later. Feel beautiful and fabulous, because YOU! ARE!

There are going to be things you can’t control. Your hair is going to fall out and frizz, your makeup with smudge and run. Your feet are going to KILL. But smile, smile, smile. Somewhere out there, Cady Heron is breaking off a piece of her crown and tossing it to you.

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